It’s time to take your precious heirloom vegetables down a notch.

Look at them. Even among my shitty food photography, they strike an elegant pose.

Fine. And you’ve read about my glorious classic minestrone – the mothersoup, the mastersoup. A thing of beauty. Now look what happened to it when I added to the pot one – one! – purple heirloom carrot.

It’s like Macbeth in there.

The sick thing is, I made a huge batch of this. My freezer is full of this. It tastes delicious – purple heirloom carrots are easily twice as sweet as ordinary orange ones – but somehow, the Tim Burton Died in My Minestrone isn’t calling my name.

Coming up: After two oddball posts, I feel like I owe you something stellar. Tune in tomorrow for a make-it-for-the-rest-of-your-life-long classic. Will it be Norma’s Banana Bran Chocolate Chip Muffins, or the world’s best Italian Chicken Stew? You tell me.